


Tacenda

by juhaylee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-17 12:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18098909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juhaylee/pseuds/juhaylee
Summary: Seungkwan was perfect in many ways, and ugly in none. He didn't have a bad vein in him; he had a pure soul. His laugh reminded Hansol of the most beautiful mixture of pink-orange-yellow.





	1. Chapter 1

word count: 1,441

~

Hansol decided a long time ago that he didn't need anything else other than the rain, but then he realized shortly after that while the rain itself was perfect in every way, it wasn't complete. What made it complete was the way that the sky was painted with shades of red, yellow, orange, pink, blue, purple; an array of colors putting aside their differences to work in perfect harmony. And those colors made one complete sky, which comforted the lonely rain at the end of a long day. It was like a song bringing back memories that you couldn't quite pinpoint, ones that you never had the chance to remember before you forgot, but you knew that deep down, there was a time and place that the song described perfectly. 

Hansol had always hated things like that. But, at the same time, he thought that those things are the most important. Things that you couldn't exactly say out loud because you could only picture it in your head, and trying to put it into words would only make it less amazing. He believed that the most amazing things in life shouldn't have to be spoken of. Hansol felt that everybody knows of that one moment when everything feels infinite. When you want to drive around at four in the morning, listening to the one song that captures that moment in two minutes and thirty-eight seconds. With your closest friends telling jokes, making you feel as if everything is okay, and that nothing bad has ever happened. It makes you want to take a polaroid picture of that moment, and keep it in your pocket for the rest of eternity. 

Every night, he sat in the same park and watched those moments pass him by as the rain and the sunset sing a perfect duet in two completely different octaves, all in minor keys. There was something so calming about listening to the pitter-patter of the rain hitting the sidewalk as the noise of Seoul dies down into a restless almost-silence. The breath of the city merging into the rain and sunset's songs, bringing a calming harmonization. 

And as Hansol sat on the same swing as always, letting each drop of rain soak into his shirt, he thought about how tonight's song was different than the others; this song has a soft beat of a bass drum lost in the background somewhere, keeping tempo for the city. The beats were getting louder, a slow crescendo of footsteps on the sidewalk. 

It was unusual to hear someone walking in the park at night— it rarely ever happened. But, when it did happen, it was just someone like Hansol. Trying to find their purpose; trying to find a word to describe the indescribable. 

He recognized the boy with the melodic footsteps; they were the same footsteps he heard walking out of detention early every Thursday while Hansol sat there, staring out of the window at the clouds who seemed to whisper everybody's secrets. Hansol noticed the boy walking towards him. And as he got closer, Hansol saw him run a hand through his blonde hair. It reminded him of the way the sunrise greets the moon— as if it was telling the moon that it's time for it to get some rest.

His name was Boo Seungkwan. He was very well know at school; the guy to go to if you were feeling down. His sense of humor was one of the bests. Hansol had seen him around a few times in the halls, and the numerous times when he received detention slips for disrupting class with his wit. Hansol was always in detention the same days as him.

To say that Boo Seungkwan was attractive is an understatement. To Hansol, he was beautiful. He had hair that always fell in just the right way, making sure to swoop into Seungkwan's eyes when he least needed it to. His eyes were deep pools; amazing, but mysterious nonetheless. Seungkwan's lips were plump, with just the perfect shade of pink accenting them. That certain pink reminded Hansol of the sunset. Well, all of Seungkwan remind him of the sunset. 

And as if on cue, his voice added wonderful lyrics to the city's late-night tune. 

"Hey, Hansol, right? I see you every Thursday," his sweet, melodic voice suddenly made tonight's song Hansol's favorite so far. He let out a small airy laugh, "so, what are you doing out here in weather like this? You could catch a cold,"

"I could say the same to you," Hansol said, but it came out a bit more quiet than he had anticipated.

"I find comfort in the empty streets, and the way that the street lights shine even though nobody really needs them to." Seungkwan seemed to be in a daze, his eyes sparkling as he talked. Hansol could tell because of the street light, but he wasn't going to tell him that. "I'm sorry, I sound stupid," Seungkwan smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Hansol grinned for no reason in particular. Or maybe, it was for a lot of reasons that he was ignoring. Maybe it was the way that tonight's song was the best he'd ever heard. Maybe it was because the street lights had their own individual purpose: to make eyes like Seungkwan's be shone at all times. Or, maybe, it was just Seungkwan. His vibe was enticing, brining you in with his warm scent of vanilla and flowers, his charm worked wonders.

"I don't think you sound stupid," Hansol said, his voice still small. "I understand. I like it out here because I like to hear the conversations between the trees and the wind. I like the atmosphere, and I like the night's songs."

"Songs?" Seungkwan questioned, not rudely in the slightest; he sounded genuinely curious. 

"Yeah, it sounds kind of dumb. But, have you ever felt something but you can't find the right words to describe it?"

Seungkwan nodded.

"I try to explain those feelings the best I can— with music, scents, colors... whatever I can say that hasn't been said before. So, when the sun is up and everybody's awake, it's like a hectic symphony with the most profound vocalist. There's so much going on that you don't know which part to listen to. But, at night, everything decrescendos. The loud voice that belts out the truest of lyrics turns into a quiet humming. My favorite part is when it rains, like tonight, and it harmonizes with the sunset. Blue-purple meets red-orange-yellow-pink, a creating a full sheet of notes that can only be perfected by nature itself. The sunset is the most important thing to me; it's the only thing that's worth not being described." He let out a jagged breath. He had only ever said a few words to Seungkwan before, and now he was telling him things he'd never told anyone else.

He gave Hansol a look that he couldn't read. They stood in silence for a few moments. 

Seungkwan chuckled, "a state of tacenda."

Hansol's eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion plastered on his face, "what's that mean?"

"It's better left unsaid." Seungkwan had a playful glimmer in his eyes. Almost as if they had been friends in a past life. Almost.

"Tell me," Hansol challenged, eager to get him to open up.

"See you at school tomorrow, Hansol." Seungkwan smiled, turning around as he began to leave.

"Seungkwan!" He called, a little too excitedly. 

"Yeah, Hansol?"

"You're going to have to tell me eventually. I won't leave you alone 'til you do."

"Well, I guess it's gonna be you and me for a little while, then." He winked.

And with that, Seungkwan left. Hansol decided that he should go home, as it was almost midnight. The walk home was always uneventful. The trees sing to the moon and the moon sings back, always staying in tempo with his footsteps. But, tonight, the song has a soft voice, making the melody stand out. It was the sweetest, most calming voice he'd ever heard. It brought a sense of safety, even though it was unfamiliar. And it wasn't until Hansol was laying in his bed that he realized the voice's owner. It was Seungkwan. So, he fell asleep with Seungkwan's voice stuck in his head, and his face stuck in his heart. Maybe befriending him will only make Hansol fall for him...

Maybe, their friendship would've blossomed a lot sooner if Chwe Hansol realized that he was going to fall for Boo Seungkwan no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

word count: 1,328

-

Jeonghan, whether he wanted to admit it or not, thought Seungcheol was art. He always admired the way that Seungcheol did anything and everything. The way he chewed on his bottom lip when he was thinking. The way that he wrote, stopping after each sentence to make sure that the words he scribbled down perfectly described his topic in the way that he meant them to.

The two of them were sat in Seungkwan's living room, listening to Seungkwan rant about much he hated group projects. Jeonghan wasn't exactly sure as to why Seungkwan hated them so much; he never did anything to help out, anyway. That's why Seungcheol was currently scribbling down the paper that Seungkwan was supposed to write, to show that he was doing his part in their project. But, the truth was that Seungkwan didn't actually do anything to help out, unless you counted keeping Jeonghan and Seungcheol entertained as helping. 

"Seriously, Jeonghan! There's no point in group projects." Seungkwan exaggerated, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Seungkwan," Jeonghan laughed, "you're not even doing anything to help. Complaining isn't helping,"

Seungcheol chuckled at the offended look on Seungkwan's face. Seungkwan stood up from his spot on the floor, placing his hands on his hips. He began to mock Jeonghan in a ridiculously high voice, "Seungkwan, you're not even doing anything to help. Complaining isn't helping." He shook his head as he talked, rolling his eyes and taking extreme measures to make sure that Jeonghan knew that Seungkwan most definitely did not care what he had to say.

"Guys! I forgot to tell you," Seungkwan said, shaking his hand in Seungcheol's face as an attempt to get his already gained attention. "Do you guys know Hansol? The pretty boy in my class? The one that's always in detention even though he's never in trouble?" Jeonghan and Seungcheol nodded; they had heard Seungkwan talk about the boy from detention many times, possibly too many to count. It was obvious that Seungkwan had been infatuated with Hansol for a while, but every time Jeonghan suggested that he should talk to Hansol, Seungkwan always have the same excuse: "Hansol's too beautiful to be friends with someone like me, much less boyfriends. He probably has hoes anyway. Nobody that pretty can be as genuine as he seems,"

But, Hansol, in fact, did not have hoes. And although he was very pretty indeed, he was genuine. Hansol wasn't as popular as Seungkwan made him seem; he liked comic books, and dogs, and the way the clouds complimented the sunset. He wasn't in any way popular, and everybody knew it. Not even Seungkwan could make him seem outgoing. But, Seungkwan couldn't possibly know about any of that, because he had been too busy overthinking rather than taking the time to get to know Hansol. 

Seungkwan began to tell his friends all about how he had met Hansol in the park the night before, and how his soft voice was smooth and charismatic, and how his smile spoke a thousand words that Hansol would never have the courage to say.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan knew that hidden somewhere under Seungkwan's jokes about how 'hot' and 'sexy' Hansol was, there was a layer of love starting to form. So, naturally, Jeonghan began to tease Seungkwan.

Their afternoons usually went this way, with Jeonghan and Seungkwan mocking each other while Seungcheol sat back and watched. Seungcheol thought it was pretty entertaining by itself, and it was an enormous distraction that kept him from writing Seungkwan's paper. Well, in all honesty, Jeonghan was his main distraction. He found himself slowly but surely developing feelings for his best friend. While he understood that he didn't want a relationship with him, he couldn't stop himself from having the urge to hold his hand or shower him with affection.

Jeonghan had noticed that Seungcheol had been a little more flirty than he used to be, but Jeonghan wasn't complaining at all. He loved Seungcheol's flirty side, and he loved it even more when it was directed at him. Jeonghan had always loved Seungcheol. It wasn't hard to see, as all of their friends had picked up on Jeonghan's feelings for him. It was a real inconvenience, considering Jeonghan was dating Jeon Wonwoo. Maybe, if Seungcheol wasn't so oblivious and naïve, they would've already been together. But, some things just aren't meant to be, and they both knew that.

-

Seokmin and Soonyoung had many things. Those things included a great relationship and great friends. And, although it seemed to many people as if the stories of their friends' fortunes and misfortunes were unrelated, Seokmin and Soonyoung were the knot that tied everything together. They were friends with everyone, and widely trusted. The two of them also did their best to watch over their buddies the best they could. But, as they sat in a booth at their local diner, Soonyoung and Seokmin decided that they wouldn't tamper with Kim Mingyu, who was sat at a table, admiring Jeon Wonwoo from afar.

Mingyu had made up many scenarios in his head. Scenarios of him and Wonwoo moving in together, and adopting a small dog, even though Mingyu knew that would never happen. Not only because Wonwoo was more scared of dogs than Mingyu was of Jihoon, but because Wonwoo would never love Mingyu. 

The tall boy always thought about Wonwoo; all of his friends knew about his crush on him. And, somehow, through the many friendships that connected Wonwoo and Mingyu together, Wonwoo had never met Mingyu. They were merely acquainted with each other, their mutual friends being the only thing that made Wonwoo aware of Mingyu's existence.

But, by the time that Mingyu had worked up the courage to finally talk to Wonwoo, he was too late. Mingyu hadn't noticed a tall boy, but not as tall as Wonwoo or Mingyu himself, with brown hair slide into the seat across from Wonwoo.

Yoon Jeonghan had long taken Kim Mingyu's place, even though it wasn't actually Mingyu's place. Wonwoo had fallen in love with Jeonghan many months earlier. Well, he thought he had. Although Wonwoo didn't realize it, he was only in love with the idea of Jeonghan. He wanted to feel complete, and Jeonghan's presence was the next best thing. The two had been together for quite some time, and Mingyu knew this, but he didn't think that it could stop him. Wonwoo's and Jeonghan's entire relationship was based on fake love and forced happiness. 

It's such a shame that Jeon Wonwoo never noticed Kim Mingyu. 

-

Hansol looked up from his seat on the swing, seeing the golden sunset form a vanilla sky. White swirls wrapping around a creamy atmosphere, accented by the shining of decaying sunlight. 

It was breathtaking, like Seungkwan. Hansol found that he compared Seungkwan to a lot of things, but everything he compared him to were as equally breathtaking as the next. After a while, Hansol began to think about what the future held for him. His best friend, Jihoon, had wanted him to meet more people and to become more social. Hansol was working on that, but if he would only show up to one of Soonyoung's parties, he would make friends easily. He knew that he was acquainted with many people throughout Soonyoung and Seokmin's weird friendships, and he knew of all of them. The two boys were already friends with all of Hansol's friends, but there were a few more who were oddly weaved into Hansol's life at some point or another.

Hansol began to name, in his head, all of the ones who he knew he would run into at some point, while he let his other thoughts float into the vanilla sky above. 

Choi Seungcheol, Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo, Wen Junhui, Kwon Soonyoung, Jeon Wonwoo, Lee Jihoon, Lee Seokmin, Kim Mingyu, Xu Minghao, Boo Seungkwan, and Lee Chan.

If only Hansol knew what was ahead of him.


	3. Chapter 3

word count: 1,668

-

Minghao was love-struck, infatuated with anything and everything about Mingyu.

And Mingyu, whether he knew it or not, was good at everything he had ever attempted. He was a prodigy in most things; an outstanding musician and dancer, as well as an athlete. He was charming in every way. Mingyu had a look of innocence lingering in his eyes at all times, making it easy for heartbeats to quicken in his presence. 

In other words, it didn't surprise Minghao to find out that he had easily fallen in love with Mingyu. Mingyu was perfect, and easy to love. Well, that was Minghao's opinion at least. The two were sat in Mingyu's bedroom floor, listening to whatever was playing on the stereo and staring hopelessly at Mingyu's exam review book.

"Hao, I don't think I'm going to be able to pass that exam," Mingyu laid back in the floor, sighing.

"Sure you can. Look, let's go over the material one more time and if you still don't understand then we'll take a break. Does that sound okay?" Minghao offered, who was sat across from Mingyu. The taller sat up, pushing his hair away from his eyes and nodding. Minghao felt his heart speed up.

The two continued to try and make some sense of the words typed in the book, but it was no use. Mingyu could try and memorize it all he wanted, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to focus on the exam long enough to pass it. He sat behind Wonwoo in class, and just his presence was enough to make Mingyu's breathing stagger. So, he continued to nod along to whatever Minghao was saying so he would look like he understood.

Minghao knew that Mingyu wasn't paying him any attention. He knew that the taller was probably lost in his thoughts, thinking about Wonwoo. He wished that he was the one Mingyu couldn't get out of his head, but he knew it would never happen.

But, deep down, he still had hope that Mingyu would come to his senses.

 

-

 

Jihoon always thought the mall was too loud to hang out at, but he could never keep Hansol and the rest of his friends from sitting at the same table in the food court and venting about their problems. It wasn't that Jihoon hated the existence of Hansol's other friends, he was just annoyed that his best friend had time for other people. Jihoon was a clingy person who needed constant attention; he was also a person that had a hard time making friends in general. Even if he wanted to befriend more people, his bitchy attitude got in the way. 

 

"Literally nobody cares but you." Jihoon stated, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, rude," Wonwoo said, slapping Jihoon on the arm.

"He's in a mood," Hansol reassured, looking at Wonwoo so the raven haired boy could continue his story.

"So, as I was saying," Wonwoo exasperated, "I don't think he's into me anymore. I mean, yeah, he was at first, but now Jeonghan just seems bored every time I talk to him." 

 

"You know, Wonwoo, that bitch-ass tall kid likes you," Jihoon said, looking at his nails. He knew that Wonwoo was too caught up in his relationship to even think about leaving Jeonghan, especially for someone he had never met, but Jihoon figured it would be funny to see his reaction.

 

"Who?" Wonwoo asked. "Not that it's important or anything, since I'm still with Jeonghan. I know that we argue a lot and we don't communicate, but we're still in a relationship and I'm not ready to give up just yet." He sighed. Jeonghan was a good person. His attitude was never anything short of positive. He was a hopeless romantic, like Wonwoo himself. Jeonghan had the prettiest eyes that anyone could ever have the pleasure of staring in to, with the brightest smile to accompany them. his cheekbones were high, like his standards, but somehow Wonwoo managed to work his way into Jeonghan's heart. The two were an odd couple that didn't show much affection towards one another. They had their moments, but it was the most awkward thing that had ever seen the light of day. Both Jeonghan and Wonwoo alike had the same feeling, a feeling they couldn't quite describe. It made their pulse quicken and their hearts beat rapidly. It made them sweaty and nervous. It was a feeling that had been mistaken for love. Nobody could quite pinpoint the feeling, but it was not true love.

"Just talk to him, Won. You'll figure something out." Hansol spoke up. Wonwoo sighed and sat back in his chair, tossing a french fry at Hansol.

"You know it's not that easy." Wonwoo smiled sadly. He wanted to break up with him, but the thought of Jeonghan hurting made Wonwoo's heart ache. He cared about Jeonghan a lot, but he didn't think the spark was there anymore. He was always unsure of his feelings for Jeonghan. He knew he loved him, but he wasn't sure in what way. 

Deep down, Jeonghan felt the same way. Maybe if the two were to talk it out, they would realize that they weren't meant to be. But, they were far too stubborn for that.

-

Hansol's day hadn't consisted of much; he took his younger sister to a cafe that morning and then went to the mall later on with his closest friends. But, somehow, he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was to go home and sleep for the rest of his days, but something was stopping him. Hansol was on his way home from the mall, and the sun had already began to set. If he were to take his normal route, he would've stayed on the sidewalk. But, he crossed the street and walked to the park. Hansol was thankful for whatever compelled him to go to the park instead of going home, because sitting on the park bench was Boo Seungkwan, admiring the dandelions that were spread around the bench. Hansol would be lying if he said that the diffusing sunlight didn't perfectly highlight Seungkwan's high cheekbones, also adding a look of softness to his golden hair. Hansol smiled brightly at the ethereal aura that surrounded Seungkwan. He had never met anyone that seemed so unreal in the most authentic way. He didn't know how long he had been standing there staring at Seungkwan, but it was long enough for Seungkwan to notice eyes on him.

The blonde boy looked to his right, seeing a tall brown haired boy standing there with the most dazed look on his face. A normal person would've been spooked by someone they barely know staring at them like that, but Seungkwan wasn't a normal person. His heart did backflips at the sight of Hansol, who was wearing blue jeans matched with a grey t-shirt and a long cream-colored jacket. His hair was messy due to the slight breeze, adding a look of innocence to him. 

"Hi, Hansol," Seungkwan smiled brightly. "Want to sit?" He gestured at the empty seat beside him on the bench. Hansol nodded, walking over to sit beside the shorter. For the first few minutes, they sat in silence. It was only the slightest bit awkward; they were pleased to be in one another's presence. 

The silence gave Hansol some time to think. He didn't have anything specific to think about, but he had to do something to keep him from being nervous around Seungkwan. He looked up at the sunset. He was overjoyed to see all the different shades of orange and yellow. It was bright, like Seungkwan's smile. The wind blew in a calming B-flat-minor, making the leaves add high hats to the afternoon's tune. As the sun went down, it got more chilly, making the two boys absentmindedly scoot closer together. 

"Hansol?" Seungkwan asked, looking into the boy's bright, brown eyes. 

"Yeah, Seungkwan?" 

"Do you believe in soulmates?" 

"I don't know, maybe. I guess I've never given it much thought." Hansol wholeheartedly answered, looking at the ground. He never thought of things like that. He was content with being simple minded when it came to some subjects. "What about you?" He looked up again, into Seungkwan's eyes. "Do you believe in soulmates?"

"Of course." Seungkwan said, looking off at the sunset. The two couldn't seem to hold eye contact for very long. "I don't know why I believe in them, I just... do." Hansol nodded, understanding what Seungkwan was trying to say. Hansol wasn't sure if he believed in soulmates or not. Many people were capable of truly loving more than one person in their life, but wasn't a soulmate supposed to be the only one you ever truly love? 

"How do you know when you've find your soulmate?" Hansol asked, curiously. 

"Well, a soulmate is someone who you love with neither your heart nor your mind. Hearts can stop and minds can forget. That's why people fall in love with different individuals throughout their lifetime, but eventually, they get over it. But, a soulmate is a different story. A soulmate is someone who you love with your soul, because even after hearts stop and minds forget, a soul does neither. It's forever."

Hansol spoke up. "I used to think that soulmates were something that only existed in fairytales."

"You don't anymore?" Seungkwan questioned.

"Not after what you just said," Hansol chuckled. Seungkwan noted how cute his laugh was. 

The silence crept up again. Hansol looked over to see Seungkwan shiver a bit, and, without thinking, Hansol took off his jacket and carefully placed it around the shorter's delicate shoulders. Seungkwan felt like his heart was on fire. His face turned bright red as he snuggled into Hansol's jacket. 

"It's getting kind of dark. I should head home," Hansol said. He didn't want to leave Seungkwan, but he was extremely tired. The two said their goodbyes (after Seungkwan tried to give Hansol his jacket back, which resulted in the brown haired boy insisting that he keep it) and went their separate ways.

Soulmates, huh? It was a thought that would linger in Hansol's mind for many sleepless nights to come.


	4. Chapter 4

word count: 974

~

"Seungkwan, so help me," Jeonghan threatened, "if you don't go talk to him right now I—"

Seungkwan cut him off. "Cheol, please tell him to shut the fuck up." 

"Languaaaage~" Seungcheol sang. "But seriously, Jeonghan, shut the fuck up."

"Languaaaage~" Jeonghan sang back, mocking Seungcheol.

The three of them were sat in the local diner that they hung out at frequently. It just so happens that Hansol and Jihoon also hung out there frequently.

"Honestly, Kwan," Seungcheol sighed. "You're not going to get anywhere with him if you can even look in his general direction."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, slumping down farther in the booth and crossing his arms over his chest. He knew Seungcheol was right— he really wasn't going to get anywhere. So, taking a deep breath, Seungkwan stood up. 

"Shut the fuck up," Seungkwan mumbled as he walked past Seungcheol and Jeonghan, straight to Hansol's booth. 

"Language!" His two friends yelled.

Seungkwan slid into the booth were Jihoon and Hansol sat. He decided that he should sit on Jihoon's side, even though he was absolutely petrified of that 5'5'' ball of rage. 

"Hey, Seungkwan," Hansol said without even looking at him. It seemed as if he and Jihoon were having an important conversation. Seungkwan wondered if he had intervened. Oh, God. Now he'll really hate him. "Please tell Hansol that Star Wars is better than Harry Potter," Jihoon said, looking at Seungkwan with a playful glimmer in his eyes.

"Seungkwan, you better not—" Hansol said, looking at the blonde boy with a look of warning in his eyes. Seungkwan might believe it was real, if Hansol wasn't smiling like an idiot. 

"Sorry, Jihoon, but I have to agree with Hansol on this one." He blushed. He was sure it was because of the way Hansol smiled at him when he agreed with him. 

"Oh my God, you losers. I was really starting to like you, Seungkwan. And, Hansol, I've always hated you with a burning pass-"

Hansol interrupted, "shut up, Hoon. You love me." 

"Stop calling me 'Hoon'. We've been over this. But seriously, I've got to blast. See you later Seungkwan," Jihoon said, signaling for Seungkwan to let him out of the booth.  
Seungkwan stood up, his footing uncertain because he was never quite sure how to function around Hansol. 

"Oh, bye Jihoon, it was nice seeing you." Seungkwan smiled and Jihoon smiled back. He never thought that Jihoon actually smiled. 

"Um, hello? What about me?" Hansol whined, wanting his best friend to tell him goodbye.

"Shut up, bitch baby. Harry Potter is for losers and Seungkwan." Jihoon laughed, turning around and walking out of the diner. Seungkwan saw him wave at Jeonghan before he went out of the door. He didn't think they knew one another.

-

Chan didn’t sleep much. He wasn’t sure why; he just didn’t. It wasn’t that he was overly-stressed, or depressed, or whatever else he could manage to rhyme. He would find himself up at random hours of the night, every night. He was always tired during the daytime, as if the sunlight drained the energy from his sleep-deprived body everyday. But, for some God forsaken reason, he was never tired at night. Which is why he was up past midnight on a Friday night (he knows his parents want him in bed at ten) when he heard a knock at the door. Chan slung his legs off of the couch, and pried his eyes away from Mean Girls, only to answer the door and see a very un-enthusiastic Lee Jihoon.

“Why are you here?” Chan asked, stepping back to let Jihoon inside, only to shut and lock the door behind him. This happened every now and then-- Jihoon would stop by, they would talk about whatever was going on in their almost-uneventful lives, and then Jihoon would fall asleep. 

“Don’t get an attitude with me, Lee Chan. I have had a very rough night.” Jihoon plopped down onto the couch, crossing his arms and sighing. When Chan didn’t respond, he continued to sigh, each louder than the previous one. 

“Are you going to tell me why you had a very rough night or are you just going to use all of my personal oxygen?” Chan asked, sitting down beside Jihoon. 

“Harry Potter is for losers and Seungkwan, Hansol is a dumbass who does not deserve rights, and I’m lonely.” Jihoon said, not really explaining his issues, so Chan assumed that Jihoon wasn’t actually upset. He was right. “Never mind. Can I stay here tonight? As previously mentioned, I’m lonely.” 

“You’re sleeping on the floor.” Chan assured, but they both knew that he wouldn’t make Jihoon do that. The truth was, they both had a soft spot for one another. Chan was Jihoon’s only other close friend besides Hansol. The two had been friends for a couple of years now, but they weren’t the type of friends who hung out all of the time or texted constantly. They would meet up every now and then, but it wasn’t often. Somehow, they managed to build a pretty tight friendship that way. 

The two boys spent the rest of the night filling one another in on the drama in their friend groups. They talked about Kim Mingyu first. About how that boy was setting himself up for heartbreak, falling in love with Wonwoo. Everyone knew that Wonwoo would never be with Mingyu. The two had barely ever talked, and they weren’t the most likely couple. Although, most would say the same about Wonwoo and Jeonghan. Jihoon told Chan all of the secrets he knew about who Wonwoo wanted to be with, and who wanted to be with him. Wonwoo wanted what he couldn’t have. That was probably one of the only similarities he and Mingyu shared. Wowoo wanted Wen Junhui.


	5. Chapter 5

word count: 1,610  
~  
Seungcheol was obviously in love with Jeonghan, as was Jisoo. But, the three had been best friends since the beginning of time, and it was highly doubted that it would change anytime soon. When the three boys would hang out, there was always a hint of repetition: Seungcheol would flirt with Jeonghan, Jisoo would get jealous (quietly, of course), and Jeonghan would ramble on and on about his ever-so-perfect boyfriend, Wonwoo. Bur, when it really came down to it, Jeonghan didn’t love Wonwoo. Well, not in the way he was supposed to. Of course Wonwoo made him happy, but so did the rest of his friends. Jeonghan didn’t feel a spark, which he thought was important in a relationship. But, he tried so hard to not let it show. He forced himself to talk about Wonwoo like his entire world revolved around the dark-haired boy. Jeonghan acted like he was as madly in love with Wonwoo as vice-versa. 

Of course, Jeonghan had been attracted to him in the beginning. He used to adore the way Wonwoo spoke. How his lips would upturn when he said even the simplest of sentences. He loved how Wonwoo’s eyes sparkled ever-longing. Jeonghan used to adore the way Wonwoo smelled. His scent of vanilla and dark green brought the long-haired boy a sense of comfort. But now, in all honesty, Jeonghan despised it. The smell of Wonwoo's cologne made his stomach churn and his eyes burn. Jeonghan didn't mean for things to end like this, but he was in love. And, God, he wanted to be in love with Wonwoo. He really did. But, he wasn't. Not anymore. Not after he realized who he was truly meant to be with. He knew that he was in love with both Seungcheol and Jisoo, as they were with him, and he felt extremely burdened because of it. Wonwoo was becoming fed up with the whole one-sided thing, and Jeonghan cared for Wonwoo far too much to see him so unhappy. Wonwoo is the dark green trees that make up the thick forest while Jeonghan is the fluffy pink clouds that floats above it. The two don’t really go together, but the scenery makes for a nice picture.  
-  
Hansol didn't just have 'bad days'. No, he had days where he completely shut down, and no one could contact him unless they went to his house. Hansol never knew why he did that; he just went with it because he couldn't convince himself to do anything else. He would lay in bed and think of all the things he should be doing, but couldn't bring himself to do, like shower or return a single phone call. So, he would just lay there. His friends would always wait for him to come to them. They didn't want to bother him when they knew he wouldn't answer until he wanted to. They would ask him where he'd been, and he would come up with some bullshit excuse that no one ever questioned. It usually only took him a day or so to get over days like that, so when no one had talked to him in three days, things started to get a little restless. 

Hansol had always been a late sleeper. It was a miracle that he woke up on time for school everyday. So, when hansol woke up at seven in the morning on saturday, he was not pleased. But, what really ticked him off was the loud bang in his kitchen that had awoken him.

He wasn't afraid of it being a burglar or something of that nature; he was just hoping that he wouldn't have to chase someone out of his house, because it was far too early and he was far too tired.

Hansol slumped down the stairs, to be greeted by the smell of pancakes. Though, he wasn't surprised to see Soonyoung and Seokmin in his kitchen. They did this every now and then, but only when they thought hansol was having a hard time.

"Hansol, good morning!" Seokmin greeted, waving up a spatula. Soonyoung looked up from the pancakes he was flipping on the stove and gave Hansol a smile, his angled eyes turning into crescent moons.

Somehow, Seokmin and Soonyoung were always the ones to be there for Hansol. It wasn't that his other friends didn't care, it was just that Seokmin and Soonyoung were the easiest to talk to and they gave the best advice. They always knew what to do. When it came to Hansol, they knew not to ask questions. He would either talk about it or he wouldn't. He just needed time.

Hansol sat down at one of the stools at his bar. He stared down at his hands, thinking. If you asked, he wouldn't be able to tell you what he was thinking about. He didn't know; his head felt heavy and his mind wandered, eventually filling his brain with so many things that things got jumbled up. So, he just stared. 

Soonyoung poured syrup over a stack of pancakes, sliding them to Hansol along with a glass of milk. Hansol nodded, his way of saying thank you. He knew his friends cared about him, but at times like these, it was hard to show how thankful he was for them. He felt like locking himself up and never speaking to anyone ever again. But, Seokmin and Soonyoung would never let that happen. They new that Hansol didn't really want that, it's just what his first instinct was. 

Hansol didn't say anything for a long time; he sat and ate quietly.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Soonyoung asked.

"Yes." Hansol responded quietly, sinking down into his stool. 

The three of them ended up watching movies for the rest of the day. Not much was said, but that was alright. It was progress, and Hansol knew that it was good. Progress is good.  
-  
Seungkwan wasn’t fully aware of Hansol’s bad days. Hansol didn’t want him to know. So, while Hansol was busy thinking and not talking to anyone, Seungkwan thought he was the only one being shut out. He didn’t quite understand it. But, what he did understand was that it had been three days since he last spoke to Hansol, and his jacket didn’t smell like him anymore. Ever since Hansol lent Seungkwan his jacket at the park, the short blonde boy would wrap himself in it, surrounding himself with Hansol’s scent. He missed him. Seungkwan found himself laying in bed with tears streaming down his face because he missed Hansol so much. He needed Hansol beside him right then and there. He needed Hansol's hugs. He missed Hansol's laugh, his scent, his smile; he just missed Hansol.

Seungkwan was trying to avoid calling Hansol, considering that it was three in the morning and Hansol needed to rest. Seungkwan tried to snuggle into the jacket more, but it didn’t bring him the same sense of safety that Hansol himself radiated. He began to cry again, and he let his selfishness get the best of him.

Hansol was laying in bed, thinking about Seungkwan. He missed him, and he wished he could have him in his arms. The two of them had become extremely close in such a short time period, it kind of freaked Jihoon out, but he wasn't going to break them apart. Hansol and Seungkwan were in a weird stage of friendship, where they walked the flirting tightrope. They both knew about their feelings, but they doubted their capability to be loved by the other. So, they were just best friends, who hugged and held hands and kissed each other's faces a lot. Hansol thought about calling Seungkwan, but he was sure that the beautiful blonde boy was asleep. As if on cue, his phone rang, and Seungkwan's name appeared on Hansol's screen.

"Hey, Kwan, what's up? Are you alright?" Hansol asked, smiling to himself. It was the first real smile he had shown in days. But, when he heard Seungkwan sobbing, he jumped up and began to put his shoes on. "Seungkwan! Why are you crying? What happened?"

"I-I miss you," Seungkwan wailed into the phone, crying his eyes out. He had himself under control until he heard Hansol's voice, only then realizing how much he truly missed him.

Ten minutes later, Hansol was unlocking Seungkwan's front door with the key that Seungkwan had given him a week prior.

"Kwannie?" Hansol called, knowing that Seungkwan loved the nickname. He spotted the small blonde boy, balled up on the sofa, his chubby cheeks tear-stained and his eyes puffy and red. Hansol ran over to him, but before he could pull Seungkwan into a hug, he felt his arms being moved out of the way so Seungkwan could cling onto him.

“Hey, hey. Everything’s alright, Kwan. I’m right here.” Hansol assured, running his hands through Seungkwan’s hair.

“Where have you been? I haven’t talked to you in days and I just-” Seungkwan took a second to breathe, “I got so worried.”

“I’m sorry. Sometimes I… have a hard time communicating with anyone. It’s like I shut down, and I take a break from the world. I should’ve at least texted you. I’m sorry.” Hansol explained, his heart hurting at the sight of Seungkwan’s distressed appearance. 

“No, please don’t apologize. I understand. I’m here for you, Sol. Always. You just gotta let me know.” 

The two boys sat on Seungkwan’s couch, cuddling and talking about everything. They shared stories of their friends, of their past, and of their hopes for the future. It was exactly what they both needed. They needed each other. And, by the time Hansol left the next morning, the jacket that Seungkwan had smelled like him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo~  
> let me just go ahead and say that i'm aware this is probably really confusing, therefore i apologize. but if you guys have any questions whatsoever you can always ask~! whether on here or on my instagram (@letterstochangbin). i promise that this story will get somewhere at some point, and yes, it's supposed to switch povs and jump around a lot. it just keeps me from getting bored of writing. but please, feel free to ask questions or make suggestions. i'm open to (constructive) criticism <3\. thank you for reading~


End file.
